“A rose by any other name would smell as sweet”

2 part post
What a child calls you.

What you call the child, name changing after adoption.

My grands have always referred to us as Mimi and Papa. Last night my sunshine was saying dadadada my hubby said to her “ say Papa” my princess said “she can call you daddy you are our daddy” we chose to go along with her saying “yes Papa is a daddy and does daddy things”, then we let it go. Then tonight I was in the monkeys room getting his clothes ready for school when he came in with Papa to get his pjs on and was yelling “mommy is in my room” I asked “who is mommy” and he said “ you are mommy”. I chose again to go along and say” yes I’m a mommy and I do mommy things”  he responded with “no you are my mommy”. Later in the living room monkey told the princess that I’m mommy and she said yes she is mommy.
I know that they don’t fully understand what mommy and daddy as names mean other than it’s the adults in the home who are responsible for them. They have both referred to the bio fathers as daddy. They don’t understand that they have different daddies. They have always called their mother mommy or mom being that she was the female adult in the house. I have always believed grandparents that take on the roles as mom and dad in the home the children see them as maternal and paternal adults and will eventually begin using the terms associated with those roles. That is what we are seeing now. They still refer to bios as mom and daddies as well. We will see if they continue to use the Mimi Papa titles we have always been or if they switchover to mommy and daddy completly. I believe that it’s ok for them to use whatever name they are comfortable with. I think it’s important to not make a big deal about the names they chose to use. We are no longer in the role of grandparents with them, we are in a parental role so it kind of makes sense. Another reason for the change maybe because in school their friends live with mommy and daddy and refer to them as such. So they began refering to us that way. I believe it makes it easier on children being raised by grands to say mom and dad. This doesn’t require them to have to explain anything to their friends. This is often the case with older children.
It’s important no matter what they call you you are there for them. Don’t try to force them to use a specific title it could make them uncomfortable and cause issues with their mental stability.
I have heard from many other grands raising their grands that it is very rewarding when they decide to call you mom or dad. It is a milestone of such, they feel that they are apart of a family, they feel that they belong, that they are safe and it shows that they know they are wanted and loved. It definitely warms our hearts that they think lf us this way and have decided to bless us with these titles.
So if you hear grandchildren call their grands mom or dad know that it probably was not done to cause harm or disappointment to the bios but it is the childrens way of saying they are being loved and taken care of.

The second part of this post is about what to call the child.
When adopting a grandchild one of the questions that is a asked is about changing the child’s name. There are lots of opinions about changing a child’s given name. I am going to give you some examples and some reasons for changing the child’s name weather it be part of their name or their whole name.

I’ll start with last names it is very common to change an adopted child’s last name. Most people change it to match their last name. This makes things easier when they are school age ect. Most people agree with this change. We will be changing monkeys last name not just to be like ours but because his current last name isn’t that of his mother or his father. We will be changing princess and sunshines too. They all three will take our last name.
Changing the child’s middle name is widely acceptable and often done but some people are against it. We are going to do this as well for all three. We will be removing monkeys middle name since it is after someone who is not his biological father. We will chose a middle name to match our other family members. Princesses middle name will be altered by adding a family name to her existing name. We will do the same with sunshine. I feel by altering the names the children theybwill feel like they are now part of a new family our family. We have discussed it with them and they like the idea. Depending on the child’s age I believe you should ask the child what they want. I heard from another set of grands that they let there newly adopted child choose their own middle name. Some people don’t agree with changing the child’s given name, they think that it is disrespectful to the biological parents. I think that you have to do what you are comfortable doing and what you think is right.
Changing a child’s first name can be very challenging depending on the child’s age. We are not changing any of our grands first names. If a child is old enough to know their name it could be very difficult to change it. With this being said I have heard of a few grands that have for one reason or another changed the child’s first name. The first time I heard of a grand changing a child’s first name I fully understood. The bio mother named the child after herself. Luckily the child was young enough to make the change without to much trouble. The grands had the child since birth and they never used the name on the birth certificate, they had called the child by the name they planned to use when they adopted. This is a good idea if you find yourself in a situation like this. Another time I heard of a grand changing the child’s first name was because the name the biological mother chose was oddly spelled and difficult to pronounce. The child was old enough to choose her own name at the time of the adoption. She had gone by a nickname most of her life. Nicknames can be used weather you formally change the childs name or not.
I believe that in any case the grandparents should do what they believe is best for the child and if the child is old enough to understand they should be included in the name changing process. I love the idea of letting the child choose. ( give them choices)

So if you are a grand raising grands let your name be what ever your grands are comfortable calling you.
If you are a bystander be sure not to judge the grandparents or the children they are doing the best they can in a difficult situation.

If you are a grand adopting a child remember to respect the child when changing his or her name and do what you feel is right, don’t let anyone else dictate what you choose to do. Remember the children are the most important person in the situation.

If you are a bystander please again don’t judge a grandparent weather they change the child’s name or not they are only doing what they feel is best for the child.

Side note some grands even change the child’s social security number. This is done if the biological parents know the child’s number and have used or threaten to use it for taxes or to obtain credit, yes this has happened to many grands in the past.

As always feel free to comment your story or questions in the comment area.”A rose by any other name would smell as sweet”
any name your child uses will be just as sweet!